FRIDAY FROTH...

If you’re looking for a decadent read...The Post Birthday World, by Lionel Shriver, may not be a twinkie as much as an oatmeal cookie (with lots and lots of chocolate chips and walnuts)-- it's sinful, but not completely void of "nutritional" value. The first chapter introduces an expat couple living in London. He’s a Columbia educated PhD working for a think tank and she illustrates children’s books. Their evenings are like their lives: routine. They have dinner, then watch T.V. and eat popcorn. The spice in their relationship comes, literally, from the exotic spices they use to flavor their popcorn and, from a once-a-year dinner that she and her husband have with a charming and reckless snooker player, Ramsey, on Ramsey's birthday. With her partner “think tanking” in Russia, she finds herself alone with Ramsey for one of the birthday celebrations--she has a little too much wine at dinner and goes back to the Snooker player’s house for a game. One thing leads to another and a kiss is eminent—end of chapter one. Every subsequent chapter has two versions—one tells the story of what happens if she excuses herself and goes to the loo, and the other tells the story as if she kissed him. It’s a bit of a Rorschach test so be careful!

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Other than a New York Times article a couple of weeks ago, John Edwards name has been noticeably out of the news, given a federal grand jury is investigating whether or not he is guilty of using campaign funds to conceal his extramarital affair with Rielle Hunter. It has been reported that Mr. Edwards paid a top staffer to claim paternity for the child that was the result of his transgression. Ms. Hunter flaunted the child at her grand jury appearance on August 6. It takes two to tango and both dancers should pay the price for dancing. Mr. Edwards will most likely pay the ultimate price, which for him (and most politicians) means becoming inconsequential. As evidenced by my opening statement in this paragraph--no one cares about John Edwards anymore. But what of Ms. Hunter? I think her picture should be plastered in Starbucks across the nation. Like O.J. Simpson, you should know that if you get involved with her, things could go seriously wrong!

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I’m assuming that you have your jack-o-lanterns carved and your spider webs hung, but do you have your Halloween candy bought? I have done a little research and have come up with a top ten list of favorite Halloween candy: Tootsie Rolls, Hershey’s Milk Chocolate, Nestle Crunch, Nerds, Hot Tamales, Candy Corn, Snickers, Baby Ruth, Reese’s Pieces, and my favorite, Almond Joy. Or, if you are watching your waistline, you can just stay home with a scary movie and a handsome/beautiful vampire and eat face!

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U. S. News and World Report recently had an article on “10 Tips for Living to 100”. If you are feeling like this might be fun then here you go:

1. DON'T RETIRE—Duh! Can anyone retire now?

2. FLOSS EVERY DAY—This has less to do with keeping your teeth so that you can eat, as it does with bacteria that cause cardiovascular problems—I’m serious!

3. MOVE AROUND—Yes, exercise is the only fountain of youth—do it, and do it every day.

4. EAT A FIBRE RICH CEREAL FOR BREAKFAST—I’m not necessarily hungry the first hour I’m awake but I make myself eat a little cereal with yogurt and berries and I drink a big glass of water—it’s a great way to get your metabolism started. The cereal I eat is like eating tree bark but I just keep thinking about the big latte that I’m going to treat myself with mid-morning.

5. GET AT LEAST SIX HOURS OF SLEEP—not a problem for me, I LOVE to sleep! I have a beautiful and comfortable bed, the best sheets and blankets that money can buy (this is NOT something to skimp on!), a chocolate brown bedroom that is like a cocoon and a really good snuggle partner—what’s not to love? I am so good at this that I may live to be 125!

6. CONSUME WHOLE FOODS, NOT SUPPLEMENTS—I say do both, just in case.

7. BE LESS NEUROTIC—As a rule, southern women are not neurotic so this is not a problem for me. If you however, are more Woody Allen than Daisy Mae, refer back to number three.

8. BE A CREATURE OF HABIT—They say people that live by strict routines, eating the same kind of diet and doing the same kinds of activities their whole lives live longer. I say, boring. I’ll settle for living to 97.

9. LIVE LIKE A SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST—These people live, on average, ten years longer than the average American—they don’t drink alcohol, smoke, or eat a lot of sweats. WHAT! Do we really want to live to 100—maybe not?

10. STAY CONNECTED—You can have great wealth or incredible power, but we all know that it comes down to friends and family—case closed.

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I may have found the perfect job for me! On a long flight from the east coast, I had a conversation with my seatmate, a Broadway actress. Like a lot of actresses, she has to make ends meet with other jobs. She told me that recently she has been doing “foot fetish” jobs. Men pay her from $150 an hour, to $1500 for an evening, to rub her feet. I asked to see her feet! They were normal, everyday feet, so I felt inclined to ask her if her clients rubbed anything else. They don’t go above the ankle she told me. Still not believing how great this sounded, I asked if the men kept both of their hands on her feet the whole time or did they maybe need one of their hands for, you know, themselves. She assured me that both hands were on her feet, and feet only, the whole time. I asked if she could sign me up! Imagine, someone pays you to rub your feet, AND, you get to expense pedicures, Manolos, and Louboutins! I ask you, does it get any better?