FRIDAY FROTH...

The Tiger Tornado continues. I wrote last week that it looked like Tiger was more of a Cheeta(r). Yes, I procrastinated and didn't post what I had written. Over the weekend I read in Maureen Dowd's New York Time's column that the New York Post had already called Tiger a Cheeta(r). Good thing, because in light of the number of women that have admitted to having relations with Mr. Woods, I've down-graded him to a plain-old alley cat. This is the way I see it: Mr. Woods should write his wife a big check, there is absolutely nothing else he has to offer her. He should make no custody demands whatsoever--he clearly has no time for his children. And, he should get himself into therapy immediately--he has issues that go way beyond a cheating husband. And what about the subset of women (heavy on the sub) that either go after, or just go willingly with these married men? I caught Jamie Grubbs (mistress # 11) being interviewed, and while she seemed remorseful for the pain she had caused Tiger's wife, she seemed more shocked than anything that Tiger was cheating on her with other mistresses. Maybe the best word for this subset of women/mistresses is delusional.

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I recently saw two musical movies--Pirate Radio and Michael Jackson's This Is It. Pirate Radio has great music from the 60's and 70's and stars Philip Seymour Hoffman who is always interesting to watch. Although most of the music was released before my "prime music listening time", I knew all of the words and wanted to sing-along. The only time I wanted to sing-along in the Michael Jackson film was when they played a Jackson Five song. It's not that Michael's music was bad, it wasn't. However, I believe that MTV is what made Mr. Jackson a star. His dancing is inimitable! This Is It is not a great movie, but watching those moves was worth every penny of my ticket.

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The White House party crashers are old news--two desperate people seeking attention. The interesting thing about this story is why the White House felt the need to protect its social secretary Desiree Rogers? In an effort to find the breakdown in security, Congress summoned Ms. Rogers, along with others including the director of the Secret Service, Mark Sullivan, up to the Hill for questioning. Ms. Rogers declined citing executive privilege. Mr. Sullivan not only showed up but also took all of the blame for the party-crashing incident. Mr. President, the men in the Secret Service are trained to take a bullet for you and Ms. Rogers plans your parties--think about that for a minute. And, remember that transparency you promised us--where is it?

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In case you missed Nicholas Kristof's December 5th column in the New York Times, check out this link Op-Ed Columnist - Cancer From the Kitchen? - NYTimes.com for some information regarding plastic containers in your kitchen and how they affect your health. If you want the short version then you should know: Plastic containers when exposed to heat--microwave, dishwasher, a hot car (think water bottles) break down and dangerous chemicals leach out. Don't put plastic in your microwave or dishwasher and look for the safe(r) plastics numbered (check the bottom of the container) 1,2,4, or 5. Plastics to avoid (unless they are marked BPA-free) are numbers 3,6, and 7. Now you have a good reason to clean-out your kitchen cabinets!

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Looking for a good movie to see this weekend? Up in the Air staring George Clooney is funny and thought provoking. This movie is well written, directed, and acted--I'm seeing all kinds of Academy Award nominations in its future. Mr. Clooney should certainly be nominated and he may even take Oscar home--that is, if the voters don't find Mr. Clooney's role to be too close to the real Mr. Clooney! A little tidbit of trivia from the film: All of the "actors" that play people that are fired by Mr. Clooney are in fact regular people that have recently lost their jobs--talk about a silver lining!

FRIDAY FROTH...

Sarah Palin released her book, Going Rogue, this week to hoards of fans salivating for some "Sarah Speak". Ms. Palin's popularity it seems, has not waned since the 2008 presidential election. Why is Sarah so popular? Simply because she appeals to the "you can grow up and be president someday" in all of us. We were told as children, or told our children, that anything was possible with hard work--but not until the hockey mom from Alaska got picked to be a vice-presidential nominee did we really believe. The question for all of us is not can we be president, but should we be president? Are grit and common sense enough to qualify one to lead? Alaska, maybe. The free world? I think not.

A couple of thoughts on Ms. Palin: (a) She tries to explain away not being able to list newspapers or magazines that informed her world view, as asked by Katie Couric, by saying that she was ticked off at Ms. Couric and therefore was "flippant", but it was "her bad" and she should have answered. This is akin to Bill Clinton telling the American public that he smoked pot but didn't inhale. Sorry Sarah, I don't buy it. (b) Newsweek magazine's cover of Ms. Palin in her running shorts makes Ms. Palin look very good (in fact, great--she's had five kids!) but makes Newsweek look HORRIBLE. Shame on you Newsweek!

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What do three blonds in New York do for fun? (a) They walk in Central park and talk about how men in New York are sophisticated and well dressed, and men in San Francisco are more casual and conservative. We concluded that there is a very European influence in New York while San Francisco's influence is, well, not European. (b) They go see Jude Law in Hamlet. He was fabulous. Not just incredibly handsome and charming fabulous, but oozing Hamlet-like conflict fabulous. Mr. Law delivered his lines with a humor that had an underlying pathos that we (the three blonds) believe will earn him a Tony nomination. (c) They shop for SHOES! One of the blonds introduced the other two blonds to Roger Vivier shoes. These shoes are classic and feminine: some with a curved heel or a big buckle that give them a certain edge--very Catherine Deneuve. (d) They drink champagne, and because November is two of the blonds birth month, there were pink party favors that I can't tell you about!

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People magazine's sexiest man alive for this year is Johnny Depp--handsome and a little naughty--enough said!

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Most countries are known for something--France has its wine and Italy has its pasta. So, if you drink your way through France and eat your way through Italy, then surely you Kama Sutra your way through India! This exotic country has beautiful hotels (any of the Oberoi group will do nicely, thank-you), spicy and delicious food, and the kama sutra for sale in every hotel gift shop. Don't take the kids.

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I read in New Delhi's newspaper, Mail Today, that Indian actress, Mallika Sherawat, will be starring in Doug McHenry's romantic comedy-- Love, Barack. The paper said that the film "tracks the romance between a Democrat campaign volunteer and her Republican counterpart in the run-up to last year's Presidential election." Ms. Sherawat's character is based on San Francisco's attorney general, Kamala Harris.

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I like to keep Fridays light (frothy), but, I am going to close by saying that while David Brooks (genuflect) of the New York Times wrote a column today entitled "What Geithner Got Right", and clearly I am fond of David Brooks (g), if I were Mr. Geithner, I would stay away from buses--people have been known to get thrown under them.

INDIA--Delhi

I left San Francisco late morning Thursday and 24 hours later, on Friday night local time, arrived in Delhi. About an hour before landing, I struck up a conversation with a pilot deadheading to India. He told me that it was tricky landing in Delhi on Friday because Delhi's "fog" problem was complicated by smoke from the crematorium. He informed me they cremated their dead on Thursdays and the crematorium was near the airport. This was the first of many contradictory stories that I heard as I traveled around the beautiful and chaotic India.

While I'm not sure of the cause of the smog, I do know that it was overwhelming--my eyes burned and it was hard to breath. The air was soupy with the pollution that the ever-diplomatic guides wanted to call "fog". I live in San Francisco, I know fog, this was not fog.

I immediately and reflexively started looking for similarities in our cultures; I found few.

Delhi's streets are a jumble of cars, tuk-tuks, motorbikes, bikes, cows, and dogs. Horns blare to move someone, or something, out of their path but there doesn't seem to be any road rage--it's just the way it's done. Our streets are ordered and relatively quiet, but heaven help the cow that would get in the way of the ambitious American on their way to the office!

In India ninety percent of marriages are still arranged and divorce is very rare. Americans marry for love, yet well over half of American marriages end in divorce. I couldn't help but wonder if passion has been sucked out of their existence by tradition and replaced with calm.

But the biggest difference? America is a much more culturally secular nation. India is around 80% Hindu, American is around 78% Christian; both have secular governments but religion permeates every aspect of Indian life. We Americans compartmentalize our religion, taking it out when we need it and tucking it away when we don't.

Some people travel with a critical eye: they want to compare host country to home country with home country being the gold standard. Others prefer to self-flagellate as they canvass new territory, constantly criticizing America and "other" Americans ( this may be uniquely American!). I like to travel with a live and let live attitude. Different doesn't have to have better or worse attached to it--except for the "fog" in Delhi, I say viva la difference!

THE WHITE HOUSE VS FOX NEWS--CENSURE OR CENSOR

As research for my musing, I'm a regular watcher of news programs: NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News. A few Sundays ago I caught David Axelrod, Senior White House Advisor, telling George Stephanopoulos of ABC's This Week, that Fox News is not really a news organization because they have a "perspective". Mr. Axelrod said that the White House doesn't recognize Fox as a legitimate news organization, and he didn't think that reputable organizations should recognize Fox either.

What?

I agree that Fox, for the most part, has a conservative bent, and I would go as far as to say that a couple of their stars are more interested in bashing Obama than preserving conservatism. However, they also have news anchor, Shepard Smith and congressional correspondent, Major Garret, both of whom appear to be professional and unbiased.

Is it news agencies having a perspective that the White House has a problem with? Or, is it only a problem when the perspective is different than President Obama's?

Chris Wallace, Fox News' Sunday morning anchor, appears to be right of center, but certainly no more so than MSNBC's Chris Matthews is left of center. Why then, would the White House refuse to give Mr. Wallace a place in the line-up of a round-robin set of interviews that Mr. Obama did for Sunday morning news shows while Mr. Matthews was included.

Fox News is certainly not the only news agency to have an opinion. I would contend that Fox and MSNBC are running neck-in-neck in their efforts to please their niche audiences.

Sean Hannity of Fox News goes after Mr. Obama to the point of ludicrous--MSNBC's Keith Olbermann goes after Fox News to the point of ridiculous. Mr. Hannity's questions to his guest are generally rhetorical, and Mr. Olbermann's commentary is often delivered in a mocking voice that is derisive of his subject (and the subject is more often than not, a Fox News personality). Both shows are meant to appeal to an emotional audience--not an audience looking for real, unbiased information.

Glen Beck at Fox is hugely entertaining, albeit a bit hysterical in his efforts. He is criticized for playing loosely with his facts: stating recently that Major Garret had not been called on at a White House press conference when in fact, he had. Mr. Beck's critics, however, are even more miffed when he's right. Acorn, the nation's largest community organizer of low- and moderate-income families was recently denied funding by the Senate after Mr. Beck exposed Acorn workers in several cities giving advice on how to set-up brothels to avoid taxes. No other news agencies seemed interested in the story and the New York Times later admitted that they had been negligent in not covering the story. Mr. Beck also broke the Van Jones story. Mr. Jones, President Obama's Green Czar, is an admitted communist, and after 9/11 suggested that high-level Bush officials might have deliberately allowed the September 11 attacks to occur. Mr. Jones resigned his post amid the controversy.

Bill O'Reilly of Fox News touts his program as fair and balanced and I believe that he makes an effort to be just that. Nevertheless, his conservative social views seep through. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it does put him at odds with White House views occasionally.

MSNBC's Rachel Maddow is a bright and astute interviewer. I was surprised when one of her lead stories last week was an interview with a woman who had organized a motivational seminar with George W. Bush as key speaker, along with Colin Powell, Rudy Giullani, Zig Ziglar and others. It wasn't quite clear what she was going after: Deriding Bush for speaking at a motivational seminar? Proving that the seminars were right-wing Christian events? With two wars, unemployment nearing 10%, housing foreclosures reaching record highs and the health-care debate, all-important topics, I found myself wondering why MSNBC was interested in George Bush speaking at a motivational seminar?

I prefer to listen to good debate, replete with facts and figures and delivered with passion, not calumny. However, while belligerent debate choked on sarcasm is not pleasant, I'll take it over censorship any day.

Has the White House maligned and marginalized Fox News?

Recently, the New York Times, reported: "Fox's television news competitors refused to go along with a Treasury Department effort on Tuesday to exclude Fox from a round of interviews".

Competitive news organizations don't mind the White House censuring Fox News, but when it comes to censoring news--well, that's another story.

Who wins and who loses in the battle between the White House and Fox News?

Free Speech won when the other news organizations refused to be complicit in the censorship of Fox. The White House lost for trying to "control" the news. And, the grand-champion in the battle: Fox News--their ratings are through the roof.

FRIDAY FROTH...

If you’re looking for a decadent read...The Post Birthday World, by Lionel Shriver, may not be a twinkie as much as an oatmeal cookie (with lots and lots of chocolate chips and walnuts)-- it's sinful, but not completely void of "nutritional" value. The first chapter introduces an expat couple living in London. He’s a Columbia educated PhD working for a think tank and she illustrates children’s books. Their evenings are like their lives: routine. They have dinner, then watch T.V. and eat popcorn. The spice in their relationship comes, literally, from the exotic spices they use to flavor their popcorn and, from a once-a-year dinner that she and her husband have with a charming and reckless snooker player, Ramsey, on Ramsey's birthday. With her partner “think tanking” in Russia, she finds herself alone with Ramsey for one of the birthday celebrations--she has a little too much wine at dinner and goes back to the Snooker player’s house for a game. One thing leads to another and a kiss is eminent—end of chapter one. Every subsequent chapter has two versions—one tells the story of what happens if she excuses herself and goes to the loo, and the other tells the story as if she kissed him. It’s a bit of a Rorschach test so be careful!

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Other than a New York Times article a couple of weeks ago, John Edwards name has been noticeably out of the news, given a federal grand jury is investigating whether or not he is guilty of using campaign funds to conceal his extramarital affair with Rielle Hunter. It has been reported that Mr. Edwards paid a top staffer to claim paternity for the child that was the result of his transgression. Ms. Hunter flaunted the child at her grand jury appearance on August 6. It takes two to tango and both dancers should pay the price for dancing. Mr. Edwards will most likely pay the ultimate price, which for him (and most politicians) means becoming inconsequential. As evidenced by my opening statement in this paragraph--no one cares about John Edwards anymore. But what of Ms. Hunter? I think her picture should be plastered in Starbucks across the nation. Like O.J. Simpson, you should know that if you get involved with her, things could go seriously wrong!

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I’m assuming that you have your jack-o-lanterns carved and your spider webs hung, but do you have your Halloween candy bought? I have done a little research and have come up with a top ten list of favorite Halloween candy: Tootsie Rolls, Hershey’s Milk Chocolate, Nestle Crunch, Nerds, Hot Tamales, Candy Corn, Snickers, Baby Ruth, Reese’s Pieces, and my favorite, Almond Joy. Or, if you are watching your waistline, you can just stay home with a scary movie and a handsome/beautiful vampire and eat face!

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U. S. News and World Report recently had an article on “10 Tips for Living to 100”. If you are feeling like this might be fun then here you go:

1. DON'T RETIRE—Duh! Can anyone retire now?

2. FLOSS EVERY DAY—This has less to do with keeping your teeth so that you can eat, as it does with bacteria that cause cardiovascular problems—I’m serious!

3. MOVE AROUND—Yes, exercise is the only fountain of youth—do it, and do it every day.

4. EAT A FIBRE RICH CEREAL FOR BREAKFAST—I’m not necessarily hungry the first hour I’m awake but I make myself eat a little cereal with yogurt and berries and I drink a big glass of water—it’s a great way to get your metabolism started. The cereal I eat is like eating tree bark but I just keep thinking about the big latte that I’m going to treat myself with mid-morning.

5. GET AT LEAST SIX HOURS OF SLEEP—not a problem for me, I LOVE to sleep! I have a beautiful and comfortable bed, the best sheets and blankets that money can buy (this is NOT something to skimp on!), a chocolate brown bedroom that is like a cocoon and a really good snuggle partner—what’s not to love? I am so good at this that I may live to be 125!

6. CONSUME WHOLE FOODS, NOT SUPPLEMENTS—I say do both, just in case.

7. BE LESS NEUROTIC—As a rule, southern women are not neurotic so this is not a problem for me. If you however, are more Woody Allen than Daisy Mae, refer back to number three.

8. BE A CREATURE OF HABIT—They say people that live by strict routines, eating the same kind of diet and doing the same kinds of activities their whole lives live longer. I say, boring. I’ll settle for living to 97.

9. LIVE LIKE A SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST—These people live, on average, ten years longer than the average American—they don’t drink alcohol, smoke, or eat a lot of sweats. WHAT! Do we really want to live to 100—maybe not?

10. STAY CONNECTED—You can have great wealth or incredible power, but we all know that it comes down to friends and family—case closed.

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I may have found the perfect job for me! On a long flight from the east coast, I had a conversation with my seatmate, a Broadway actress. Like a lot of actresses, she has to make ends meet with other jobs. She told me that recently she has been doing “foot fetish” jobs. Men pay her from $150 an hour, to $1500 for an evening, to rub her feet. I asked to see her feet! They were normal, everyday feet, so I felt inclined to ask her if her clients rubbed anything else. They don’t go above the ankle she told me. Still not believing how great this sounded, I asked if the men kept both of their hands on her feet the whole time or did they maybe need one of their hands for, you know, themselves. She assured me that both hands were on her feet, and feet only, the whole time. I asked if she could sign me up! Imagine, someone pays you to rub your feet, AND, you get to expense pedicures, Manolos, and Louboutins! I ask you, does it get any better?

HEALTH-CARE PART 2

A couple of Tuesdays ago I wrote on palliative care—the palliative care that people need at the end of their lives to help them die with dignity. This week--another kind of palliative care.

Palliative is defined as: relieving pain or alleviating a problem without dealing with the underlying cause. I’ve always thought of palliative like a band-aide of sorts; it covers what we don’t want to see, while we wait for it to go away. The biggest (pardon the pun here) palliative problem in America is not end-of-life care—it’s obesity.

The San Francisco Chronicle recently reported that one-third of American children and adolescents are obese or overweight. Most people know that obesity causes cardiovascular disease, diabetes, contributes to many cancers, including breast and colon, and exacerbates joint problems. Yet, we continue with our unhealthy eating habits and allow our kids to do the same; we see our doctors and use medicine to treat the symptoms, while ignoring the cause. We want to eat our cake and have it too. In this case, the cake is probably fast food and sugary sodas, and having it too is still wanting to be slim and healthy. This is America—why can’t we have it all?

Time magazine reported that as a nation we are spending more than 147 billion dollars a year on diet-related illness. Yet, how many politicians have you heard talking about the cost of obesity on the health-care system? Politicians like telling people what they want to hear and people do not like to hear that they are fat. At some point, politicians are going to have to start telling people some hard truths. Warning: this will not be the last time you see the previous statement in this blog!

I recently attended a dinner party with Michael Pollan, author of The Omnivore’s Dilemma. Mr. Pollan has done extensive research on what we eat and how food gets from its sources in nature to our plates--he is a proponent of local and sustainable eating. There was good discussion on why Americans are overweight and what we should do about it. I took away these salient points from the evening: Policy is needed to help get America’s obesity problem under control, whether it be redirecting farm subsidies toward more healthy foods, or putting a tax on sugary drinks. We need to limit the number of sugary sodas we consume. And, we need to cook—Mr. Pollan stressed that almost anything we cook at home is healthier than fast food.

I would like to focus on the relationship between sodas, obesity and health-care.

The soda companies are, I’m sure, encouraging politicians to leave sodas out of the health-care conversation. They are also running ads that assume that we are all incredibly stupid. Have you seen the one with the mom getting her bags with several liters of soda out of her mini-van? She tells the camera that money is tight. She warns Washington to not put a tax on soda. Some very brave politician (is this an oxymoron?) needs to call a press conference, look into the camera and explain to this mom, and moms across the country: Yes, I know that money is tight and I think I can help you. Turn on the water facet—it’s easy, it’s non-caloric, it’s healthy, it’s safe, and it will save you money. Yes, I know that your kids will object, but you are the mom and you love them, and you want them to be healthy.

Did you know that a twelve-ounce can of soda has approximately 10 teaspoons of sugar? Can you imagine putting 10 packets of sugar in your tall latte (the smallest size at Starbucks and also 12 ounces)? If you need more reasons to limit soda intake, then you should know that they are also very acidic and hard on tooth enamel, and the phosphorus that causes them to fizz also causes calcium to be leeched from bones.

I don’t think that the government is responsible for keeping us healthy. However, because obesity is a burden on our health-care dollars (this affects our premiums), because sugar is so closely associated with obesity, and because soda has no nutritional benefits, it should have a sugar tax like cigarettes have a tobacco tax, and the tax should go directly to off-set health-care costs.

Politicians need to make some hard choices on health-care; a tax on sugary drinks would be a good place to start.

FRIDAY FROTH...

Dear Mr. Krugman:

I saw you on the Bill Maher show last week with director, John Waters and scandal-plagued politician, Eliot Spitzer. I don’t remember what you were talking about because I was so distracted by you dropping the F-bomb! Bill Maher uses this word so often that it’s not even effective—it disappears into the background like his pale skin and colorless hair. Jon Waters is a very cool movie director and everyone knows that cool movie directors use the F-word as effortlessly as they do cut and action. I’ m betting Mr. Spitzer got a feel for the four letter version of “oh my god I can’t believe I got caught” when he found out about the wiretaps linking him to a prostitution ring. But need I remind you Mr. Krugman, that you graduated from Yale, got a Ph.D. from M.I.T., and you teach at my favorite Ivy League institution, Princeton. Your biography on the New York Times website says that you have written or edited more than 20 books and 200 papers—you should know a lot of words, you don’t need to use the f-word. Not to mention, you are a Nobel Prize winner! You dropping the F-bomb is like George Clooney showing up at your door in polyester pants and having bad breath. Mr. Krugman, I don’t always agree with you; you are a Keynesian economist—I’m more of a supply-side girl, nevertheless, I read your erudite columns loyally. So please, put back on your tweed sport coat, comb your grizzled but distinguished hair and don’t let this kind of thing happen again.

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I love fall. The weather is good and so are the movies. Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut, Whip It, is perfect fare for fall—it’s well written with characters that are less than perfect looking, doing things that are interesting—not clichéd. You don’t have to like roller derby to enjoy this film as it’s more about finding your dream than knocking an opposing skater off course. The real beauty of this film is that the dreams are simple dreams---the ones that can come true for a lot of us. If you grew up it a small Southern town where beauty pageants and football rule, you will relate to this film. Take note of Marcia Gay Harden’s performance—Oscar nod? Maybe!

If you are in the mood to see bigger dreams come true, go see Coco before Chanel. French actress, Audrey Tautou, does a beautiful job portraying a young and determined Coco. The movie starts as a nine year-old Coco and her sister are being dropped off at an orphanage and ends with Coco presiding over her first couture show. Ms Tautou’s dance between gritty independence and manipulative charm brings Coco to life.

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Every few days I log on to my friend, Mary Doan’s blog, A Plethora of Postcards. Mary has been collecting postcards, sent to her by friends or to herself, for over 30 years. I am either reminded of places that I have been, or introduced to places that I want to go. A few weeks ago Mary featured a postcard from Norfork Dam in Arkansas. I grew up water-skiing on Norfork Lake and have great memories of the “big dam”. This week she had a postcard showing a cyclo in old-town Hanoi. I immediately remembered squeezing both of my kids in one of these pedicabs with me (in 100 degree heat!) in the summer of 2001 and riding through Old-Town where the streets are named, appropriately, by the items which are sold there. On Shoe Street all of the shops sell—you guessed it—shoes, and the sidewalks are lined with a superfluity of footwear of every kind. The very tiny shops have very few wares inside; they don’t always have electricity and they need the sunlight for people to be able to see what they are buying. If you are shopping for a destination or just want to dream of getting away, check out Mary’s blog: www.apleathoraofpostcards@blogspot.com

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The Supreme Court has just started their October session. They heard arguments this week of a man convicted of selling videos of dog fighting and other animal cruelty. The man was not involved in the animal cruelty, he only sold videos of it. It seems the man is protected under the First Amendment, which, rightly so, has few exceptions--obscenity and child pornography are two of these exceptions. The court will be reluctant to mess with the First Amendment but I ask you: Is it not obscene to watch videos of women trampling to death small dogs and other animals with their bare feet or high heels? Yes, it’s seems that this is a sexual fetish du jour. This is the way I see it: Like children, dogs and other animals cannot advocate for themselves. Dogs are especially vulnerable; we have domesticated these animals--inviting them to live in our homes and depend on us for food. Like children, they deserve our protection. Let’s hope that the Supreme Court does the right thing.

HEALTH-CARE: PART ONE

I have been attempting to write about health-care for weeks. As the debate has raged, I have made an effort to read, listen, study, and question the myriad intricacies of this polarizing subject. I was overwhelmed! Therefore, for the next few Tuesdays this blog will explore health-care bit-by-bit. My approach is to deliver to you—simply and succinctly—ideas on how, I believe, health-care can be improved. I welcome your feedback.

Today: Palliative Care

If you were paying attention to the health-care debate this summer, the words palliative care probably ring a bell. The house bill addressed palliative care, and it needs to be addressed. Sadly, and wrongly, Sarah Palin tweeted that this would create death-panels that would choose whether ill people should live or die.

A disproportionate amount of health-care dollars are spent during the last year of life—this simply needs to change. I have encountered numerous stories of how expensive test and useless x-rays are ordered for patients, that save a miracle, will be dead in a matter of weeks, maybe months. The following link is to a story of an oncology nurse's view inside the trenches of what’s happening with end-of-life care, and why it should change. The story takes about three minutes to read and is very insightful.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/09/prolonging-death-at-the-end-of-life/?scp=3&sq=cost of palliative care&st=cse

President Obama explained in his nationally televised health-care speech, and I paraphrase: Palliative care is not about death panels; it’s about insurance providing funds so that families can sit down with doctors to talk about options for terminally ill loved ones. I agree that money is better spent to inform families of the options for dying loved ones than throwing money on delaying the inevitable. However, regular doctors and nurses are not always the best people for this job—they’ve been trained to do everything in their power to save lives; helping families let go is counter to this training. Palliative doctors are trained in medicine, but also in hospice care and even spiritual care. As the baby-boomer population ages, this relatively new discipline should be in demand.

As I was ready to post this story, I got an email from a friend who was at the hospital with his dad who has been fighting lung cancer. My friend was faced with the excruciating ordeal of deciding on breathing and feeding help for his dad to prolong his life a few days or weeks, or making him comfortable with drugs, in which case he was looking at a couple of hours, or maybe a couple of days.

I know that if my son or daughter were lying in a hospital bed and I was faced with this decision, I would be so tempted to prolong the inevitable; even if it was just so that I could watch their chest rise and fall.

Palliative care is not about “death panels”. While the dollars and cents of keeping people alive needs to be addressed, make no mistake, the biggest cost is the emotional one.

FRIDAY FROTH...

If you are an aspiring filmmaker, a film buff, or just interested in finding a movie to see this weekend, then you have to check out MakingOf.com. This website was started by my friend, producer, Christine Alyward and actress Natalie Portman. Ms. Portman was inspired to give outsiders, an insider’s view of movie making by her very interested and enthusiastic friends visiting her on movie sets. Being a producer, Ms. Alyward has a love for the craft of filmmaking and an understanding of the need for more information to help fledgling artist. The site has tips from working experts on all aspects of movie making, as well as movie clips, interviews, photo galleries, and much more. It’s a well designed website with tons of FUN information—check it out!

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It’s inexcusable that republican gubernatorial candidate, Meg Whitman didn’t vote for years—surprisingly, those are her words, not mine. Ms. Whitman stated her reasons for not voting: working, raising a family, supporting her husband’s career and moving many times, but didn’t try to make excuses. She also said that going to work at eBay and seeing how government regulations hurt small businesses inspired her to get involved in politics. How refreshing to hear a politician take responsibility for their actions--I think I could vote for her on this alone!

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I love driving my daughter to school in the morning, even if she doesn’t talk to me. We listen to the radio together as our form of communication. This week some DJ’s were talking about a just released poll that named the countries that produced the best and worst male lovers. I yelled “earmuffs” to my daughter. She used to cover her ears when I did this, but now, at 15 and 2/3, she just rolls her eyes. And now for the results: Drum roll please… German men were voted the worst lovers; English men came in second worst; and those handsome, but from the poll reports, too quick Swedes, came in third. It probably won’t surprise anyone that Spanish men, Brazilian men and then Italian men came in as best lovers. If you want to comment please know that there is an anonymous option for your privacy!

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The very controversial PATRIOT ACT is reported to be what led to the arrest of Najibullah Zazi, the man who allegedly planned to attack New York’s subway system. Counterterrorism experts say that this is the most serious terror plot since 9/11. I say we suck it up and let the government listen in on our phone calls and read our emails instead of sending more troops and money to Afghanistan. I have a great appreciation for civil liberties but even more so for safety. Maybe this is a war that has to be fought at home. And now for the part you are going to really hate: Anyone who rides the New York subways owes George Bush a thank you.

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Bright Star is poetry in motion. Jane Campion wrote and directed this wildly romantic film that tells the story of English poet, John Keats and his love affair with the girl next door. Fanny is literally the girl next-door, yet anything but that figuratively. Fanny is outspoken and interested in fashion design--a modern woman living in Victorian times. She is drawn in contrast not only to her peers, but to Keats and his fanciful, yet tortured existence. A beautiful job by Ms. Campion on both the writing and directing fronts--cheers!

WHAT HAPPENED TO CIVILITY?

There’s been a lot of talk of civility in the past few weeks. Congressman Joe Wilson called President Obama a liar during a joint session of congress. Rapper Kanye West jumped onstage and ripped the microphone from singer Taylor Swift as she was giving an acceptance speech at the MTV awards. And from town hall meetings to ostensibly respectable members of the press, partisan bickering is nastier than ever.

Joe Wilson, the congressman from South Carolina, said that his comment during Mr. Obama’s health-care speech was extemporaneous, and I have no reason to doubt him, but a slip of the tongue stills calls for an apology. The good news is that Mr. Wilson called the president’s office and offered up a mea culpa; the bad news is that he refused to apologize to congress in the hallowed room where his outburst occurred. If the custodians in which we have entrusted these offices don’t respect them, then how are we regular citizens supposed to respect the offices, or the people that represent them?

Kanye West is known for his bad behavior in an industry where bad behavior is often celebrated. When he sullied Ms. Swift’s first win by taking her microphone and announcing, in essence, that Beyonce should have won the award, the reaction was fast and furious—Mr. West was booed off of the stage and continued to be booed the rest of the evening whenever his name was called. Beyonce repudiated Mr. West’s behavior when she won a later award by graciously inviting Ms. Swift back to the stage to finish her acceptance speech. Many artists tweeted or posted notes on their websites condemning Mr. West’s behavior. I found this encouraging given that Ms. Swift is more country than rock n’ roll. The people that responded immediately were not her “people”. If Toby Keith had been in the audience that night Mr. West would have probably suffered more than boos. However, despite the public reaction, Mr. West still had a hard time actually apologizing to Ms. Swift: In an appearance on a late-night talk show the following evening, Mr. West talked about how upset he had been regarding his mother's recent death. He sounded more interested in excusing his behavior than taking responsibility for it. Like Congressman Wilson, Mr. West had a hard time going more than halfway to correct his bad behavior.

Even the press has jumped on the incivility juggernaut. On a daily basis, certain MSNBC and Fox News personalities exhibit an enmity for each other and their ideological opposites that rivals that of the Israelis’ and the Palestinians’. Even the respectable Charlie Gibson interviewed Sarah Palin with a contemptuous tone and literally, looking down his nose at her. By the time Mr. Gibson interviewed Ms. Palin, many of us were aware of her “lack of knowledge”. We were, however, surprised and disappointed by Mr. Gibson’s lack of professionalism and, civility.

What happened to civility and what can we do to get it back? How do we teach our kids to be civil?

Listening to the news on the car radio a few years ago, a reporter was relaying the story of how the Texas band, Dixie Chicks, playing a concert in London, told their audience that they were embarrassed that George Bush was from Texas and that he was stupid. I turned the radio off and pulled the car over! I told my kids--not that they ever listen to me--that you could disagree with someone without calling them stupid. I told them that the Dixie Chicks could have said that they disagreed with Mr. Bush’s tax policy or with his invasion of Iraq, but to call him stupid made them look stupid.

We have to learn to disagree without calling names, yanking microphones out of hands, or looking down our noses at those we disagree with. Like I told my children that day in the car: You have to articulate your differences without contempt, and you have to be respectful of others opinions. It feels like we are losing the battle against incivility. That day in the car my kids responded to me, “We understand completely mom, can you please just turn the radio back on!"

Undaunted, I soldier on. Won't you join me? I think with Beyonce's help we can beat this thing!

Friday Froth...

I saw The Informant starring Matt Damon last weekend. While it's a very good movie--worth your time and $10.50--Mr. Damon's performance is the real reason to see this movie. He plays his character a bit like an idiot savant and he does so brilliantly. Most actors would have been tempted to play this character over the top, but Mr. Damon exercises control, even subtlety at times, allowing us to feel some sympathy for a contemptible man. Unless there are a lot of really strong performances in the next three months, I think that Mr. Damon should be nominated for an Oscar. I emphasize should because Hollywood rarely awards control and subtlety.

Did you notice Ralph Lauren's collection in the paper last week? Between the distressed overalls and the shirt-dresses with the paperboy caps, it's clear that Mr. Lauren is not convinced the recession is over. I, on the other hand, am ready for better times! I loved the feminine and elegant Donna Karen dresses--check them out.

I hear that Mitt Romney has moved to California. What I can't figure out is why. Mr. Romney is almost sure to make another run for the presidency in 2012, but Californians tend to vote more "blue" than "red" in presidential races. Wouldn't it behoove Mr. Romney to set-up camp in a more friendly, or early primary state? Californians are receptive to voting "red" in the governor's race--could Mr. Romney possibly be interested in straightening out California's economic mess, biding his time while Obama finishes out his two terms? Or, maybe he's moved to California to help his friend Meg Whitman with her campaign for governor--she formally announced this week.

The new fall television season has started. Did you see Modern Family (Wednesdays on ABC at 9pm)? The critics loved it and so did I--I think! The scenes that featured the gay couple were very funny. The scenes with the May/December couple were pretty funny too. The third family, the one that might be considered the most normal--father, mother and three kids--hit a little close to home. The kids bicker, there are discipline problems, and the oldest daughter is 15 and boy crazy (I have one of these creatures living in my house). I had to laugh to keep from crying!

And lastly, I leave you with something to make you wildly attractive and desirable--the art of the smeyes. Of course you know this is smiling with your eyes. Tyra Banks told Larry King that it was the key to her success. Don't think that this is a big crow's feet-inducing grin, it's not. Rather, it's a slight squint of the eyes with a very still mouth (Novocaine mouth, Tyra calls it)--the idea is to create a window to the soul, not a view of your dental work. I find it helps to think of something a little naughty. Start practicing!

It Feels Like Fall Today--It's Time

It feels like fall today.  The air is crisp.  But really, in San Francisco that means nothing, our "crispest" days can be in the middle of summer.  It's the light quality that let's me know it's fall. There's a warm glow, a slight sepia coloring the world.  Fall is bittersweet. 

Fall is the beginning and the end:  The beginning of an exciting new school- year and the end of the halcyon days of summer.  You put away your swimsuits and flip-flops and get out your sweaters and boots.  If you are in school, you are generally happy to move-up--most years you're taller, one year you will graduate from a cubby to a locker, and someday you may actually drive yourself to school.  If you are putting someone through school, you are generally shocked that they can't wear any of their clothes, concerned that they will never remember the combination to their locker, and TERRIFIED that they are behind the wheel of a car.  You watch them drive away and wonder how this happened. 

  

I took my son to college a couple of weeks ago.  2853 miles and three time zones away. 

I was ready for him to go.  I really was.  I promise!  The constant pull-and-tug of our relationship was exhausting.  Him pulling away because he's 18 and wants to live his own life; me tugging him back via my "rules" for living in this house and because I'm his MOTHER and I'm the one that's operating with a fully developed frontal lobe.  We were both doing our job. Having a child living in your house is like a baby living in your placenta:  At first things can be a little tricky, then everything is great, but toward the end it gets a little cramped and uncomfortable for everyone.  A placenta is only good for a limited number of days, and then as much as you know it's going to hurt, that baby has got to go.

Just he and I made the trip back east.  It was fitting.  What you might not know, and what he doesn't remember is that for the first three years of his life we were pretty tight.  With no family in the area, the dad working 12 hours a day, mostly single friends, and no nanny, my son and I filled each other's worlds, and thus, we developed a kind of shorthand.  As we walked around the campus on that first day, I knew just what he was thinking, I was thinking the same things.  I was nervous and worried about him; I could tell he was nervous and worried about me.  We were both overwhelmed by the possibilities (and the heat), scared at the thought of the responsibilities, and desperate to remember names and find our way around.  I knew that he wished he had a place to go and take a nap and just deal with all of this later.  I wanted to tell him to just put one foot in front of the other, but I didn't, I told myself.

When we left our house to go to the airport the morning before, it had been dark.  I sat in the car and watched him go from room to room, knowing that he wasn't just saying goodbye to a space that had housed him, but to his childhood. When I left his dorm room the next day, after moving him in, I made my way to my rental car making polite conversation with other parents, hoping that they couldn't see the gigantic lump in my throat.  I drove around campus and explored his new world while letting go of the old--I knew that things would never be the same.  I went back to my hotel room, ordered room service, got in the shower, and cried.

Back in San Francisco, walking the dog with friends at the beach, we talked about taking our kids to college.  One friend asked if I felt my son was ready for college.  I assured her that my son was half-baked, but that I had had the oven on high and had used the best ingredients.  I'm hoping that he's like his favorite cake: red velvet.  I get asked for my recipe all the time and when I give it to someone I always emphasize that you only cook it for the prescribed time.  I warn them that they will not think it's done but when the time is up they should take it out anyhow.  This is the only way that you can assure that the "heart" of the cake stays soft.  If you leave it in until you think it looks done it won't be good.  It may look good from the outside, but cakes, like boys, matter more on the inside.  It's scary to take what looks to be a half-baked cake out of the oven or to send what looks to be a half-baked boy across the country to college, but you have to have faith...and pray a lot!

I miss his big smelly hugs and when he tells me to not let go before he does.  I don't miss his stinky laundry.  I miss the sound of his car pulling in the driveway, knowing that he's home safe, whether it's in the middle of the day or the middle of the night.  I don't miss the calls in the middle of the night when he's trying to negotiate his curfew.  I miss listening to the radio with him in the car to see who can be the first to guess the artist of the song playing (I kill him at this game).  I don't miss asking him if his homework is done and him saying, "It's all good," which is code for no.

A few nights ago I dreamt that he was three and running down Chestnut Street in his Batman cape that he made from a black garbage bag--the vision was as clear as a summer day.  The next morning the memory of the dream had faded. His childhood has taken on a sepia tone in both our minds.  But the possibilities for his future, and for mine, are as bright and glaring as the noonday sun off the water in mid-July. 

Change is bittersweet, but this is the way it's supposed to be--he's eighteen and it's fall...it's time.

A Little Respect Please

Over the weekend I was in Pennsylvania where I happened to catch Congresswoman Allyson Schwartz as I was perusing Sunday morning television.  Ms Schwartz, a democrat from the 13th Congressional District, was being interviewed on health care.  The Congresswoman, like most people, feels that something should be done about the rising cost of health care.  However, unlike most people, she supports the Obama backed plan that came out of the House. When asked if she had held any town hall meetings, Ms. Schwartz answered by saying that she had talked to a lot of people one-on-one and had her office talking to people--I took that as a no.  It's understandable that she wouldn't want to subject herself to the hostility that the town hall meetings have been generating, but please Ms. Schwartz, you don't get elected to only hear the good news.  I too wish that people at the town hall meetings yelled less and talked more.  But make no mistake, it's the people's right to express what they want done in Washington and it's the elected officials' job to listen.   However, this is not the part that really bothered me.  I actually got past her evasive, somewhat condescending and patronizing attitude until she said that something had to be done because "we (congress) pay for forty-six percent of health care bills."  Excuse me!  No!  Taxpayers pay for forty-six percent of health care bills.  In fact, for the most part, it's the same taxpayers that pay for private health insurance for themselves and their families plus health care for others via taxes.

The American taxpayer is feeling frustrated!  The government has rescued people that took out loans that they couldn't afford, banks for giving loans that they shouldn't have given, bailed out car companies that refuse to make cars that Americans want to buy and now they want to overhaul our health care system.  At this point, we aren't feeling confident that you have our best interest in mind.

To all of you that represent us in Washington:  We expect you to read the health care bill--all of it.  We expect you to understand it and then to communicate that understanding to us.  We expect you to listen to our feedback--even if it hurts your ears.  We expect respect--we pay the bills, including your salary.  

Arrogance, Narcissism, or Just Plain Not Smart?

Several weeks ago South Carolina's governor, Mark Sanford, got caught lying about his whereabouts. He told his staff that he was hiking the Appalachia Trail and would be incommunicado. Didn't you know right away that this story would end with another woman? Of course you did. Even if politicians hadn't been falling left and right to their carnal proclivities you would have known, wouldn't you? The thing that surprised me about the story was that during his rambling apology, Mr. Sanford said that he was sorry for the pain that he had caused by naming first, "her" (his Argentinian lover), his constituency got second billing, and his wife and kids came in third and fourth. Did anyone else notice this? Wouldn't a smart man put his wife and kids first? And a really smart man would probably make his apology to his lover as clandestine as his tryst, and not part of his public mea culpa. As I added it all up I couldn't help but think that this was NOT a smart man. Curious, I went on-line and read an amorous email exchange between Mr. Sanford and the Argentinian woman. He told her that he liked her tan lines. I can see a line like that coming from someone with braces and acne, but from a senator?   

Mr. Sanford's troubles continue. It has been reported that the governor violated South Carolina law by traveling abroad in first and business class; the state requires lowest fare tickets to be purchased. Mr. Sanford tried to excuse his expensive travel by saying that he could get more rest in the better seats so that he wouldn't look "haggard" at meetings. He really said that! A smart man would surely have feigned hard work saying that he needed the extra space for his laptop and his myriad of charts and graphs to prepare for his meetings. Although someone who requires his staff to use both sides of a post-it might be expected to tough it out and make do in coach.

Mr. Sanford is not alone.  A few weeks ago I saw Oprah interview Elizabeth Edwards.  Ms. Edwards wrote a book about life's adversities after her husband, a past senator from North Carolina, vice-presidential, and presidential candidate, John Edwards, had an affair with a woman that got his attention by calling him "hot".  He was running for the highest office in the free world and it wasn't his first election--you would think that he would've known better, you would think that he was smarter than that.  At the end of the interview, Mr. Edwards came in and Oprah asked him about his wife's book.  Sounding like the victim, he mumbled something about his wife being entitled to have her say.  When Oprah pressed him by asking, "but do you wish she hadn't?", he had a chance to say the right thing, maybe even the smart thing, like "no Oprah, I wish that I hadn't."  But he didn't.  He just reiterated that she was entitled to say whatever she wanted.

Then there's Bill Clinton's inappropriate behavior with a very young intern in the Oval Office--not smart behavior but he would probably not have been impeached if he hadn't lied about it to a grand jury.  I can't help but believe that if he had been man enough and smart enough to own-up to his actions, sincerely apologize, and then never mention it again (not that the press wouldn't pursue it), he would have been better off. As is, he is an impeached president and his legacy will forever carry the pall of his indiscretions.

And what about the women that love these men?  Hillary Clinton stood by her man but now she's the one that wears the pants in the family and she's doing a pretty good job of it.  Jenny Sanford didn't stand by her man on the dais (good for her), but she did give him a second chance before finally calling it quits.  I hope that she finds a soul mate of her own--one that reads Pablo Neruda and Octavio Paz poetry to her (I like your tan lines--are you kidding me!).  Elizabeth Edwards kept up the ruse throughout her husband's presidential run but then wrote the book--I hope writing it was cathartic for her--if not, she should try throwing it at him, every time he walks through the door.

I don't like the hypocrisy of these men that preach family values and then get caught with their pants down, or the ones that lecture us about sharing the wealth as they continue to vote themselves raises and get $400 haircuts.  Or, the ones that rail against big business while secretly making deals with them.  However, I'm not passing judgement on this womanizing and free spending as much as expressing surprise at their handling of their actions after the fact. 

Arrogance?  YES!  Narcissism?  Mr. Edwards and Mr. Sanford seem to worry more about their hair and looks than they do about their families.  Smart?  You be the judge.  You don't have to be Harvard educated but you really should be smart in a real common-sense let's-think-this-through kind of way to hold a major office in this great country.  Of course, it would also be great if you were humble, honest and honorable and could lead by example--is that really asking too much?  Lately, it seems like it may be.  Even President Obama has sneaked into bed with someone other than his wife--the drug companies.  It will be interesting to see how he handles the fallout.